Drew's heart cath is set for this Friday. I talked with one of the cardiologists from UCSF this afternoon and we are the first case of the day. That means we need to be in admitting at 6:45 am with no food after midnight and no liquids past 5:30 am. I think it's good that we're the first case because hopefully Drew won't have a hard time fasting since it's so early and he's not used to eating that early anyway AND we are more likely to be able to go home the same day.
I've had lots of mixed emotions lately (what else is new?). Last night after Dan confirmed to me that his mom will be able to watch Ava for us on Friday I sort of lost it again. Just the thought of packing our suitcases again, driving out to Palo Alto again, reading Franklin again, explaining to Drew that we have to go to the hospital even if he doesn't want to again, spending the week away from our friends & activities AGAIN was more than I could take. I am tired. Tired in my heart. Weary. I told Dan that I just want to have a normal life. And even as I said it, I knew that I don't get to have a normal life. As Dan said, this is our normal life. Well I hate it.
But it's nothing another day and a little perspective didn't cure. Another heart mom I know posted some links of some blogs of heart kids who need prayer. I know I shouldn't have, but I visited their sites. And while usually this is a very bad thing for me (I have a hard time compartmentalizing and often really FEEL the pain someone else is feeling) it made me realize that I am lucky to be where I am. Things could be much, much worse.
These two verses helped me get to a better place today:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.