Have you ever wondered what it's like to have a child with a heart defect? I read this essay on the Hearts of Hope blog this morning and it really struck a chord with me. I guess part of the reason is because while everyone else is celebrating the new year, we are preparing for Drew's heart cath tomorrow. It's funny, I was totally ok with this until we got home yesterday. Then I started feeling overwhelmed, depressed, angry, etc. As I was putting Drew to bed last night I laid with him until he fell asleep. Then I stayed a little bit longer, just holding him, listening to him breath. I whispered to him that I loved him. And that I was so sorry for everything he has to go through. And I just laid there and cried. On New Year's Eve.
But I am looking forward to the new year. Dan and I are both turning 30 this year. With each passing year the kids grow and change so much and I look with anticipation at what the future holds for each of them. This year promises to bring many good things for our family. But I also know that it's not going to be an easy year. We will likely have Drew's third heart surgery in the spring. I'm sure there will be other hospitalizations. There will be colds that will make me wonder if and when it will turn into pneumonia. There will be events we have to miss because we can't take a chance with Drew getting sick.
This morning I was reading Franklin Goes to the Hospital to Drew. I told him that we're going to the hospital tomorrow and he has to have something called a heart cath so the doctors can see if his heart is healthy. He told me "it hurts me at the hospital." And I had to just say "I know it does, honey. But the nurse will give you medicine so it doesn't hurt as much." I told him he can choose what to bring. He wants to bring his dinosaur that walks, his pillow and his dog that he sleeps with. We're also going to bring quiet games and movies for him to watch when he wakes up and has to lay still. He's the second case of the day tomorrow and we will be checking in at 9:30 a.m. Please keep us in your prayers. I will post updates from the hospital.