Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Anniversary

Yesterday was the anniversary of the day we got Drew's diagnosis. It is usually a very difficult day for me as I remember back to the trauma we experienced that day. Surprisingly, I made it through the day without feeling the crushing sadness of last year.

It was actually a pretty good day. I think part of the reason I did so well is because I was able to share my story at Mom Connection. It provided a focused way to think about that horrible day 5 years ago, and encouraged me to share how God has redeemed it. The theme of the morning was women who have experienced real love through encounters with God and have demonstrated real love to others as a result. I'm sure it also helped to have all my friends praying that I would be able to focus on how well Drew is doing right now and how far he has come and not dwell on the past.

I have been thinking about why this time of year is so difficult for me and I think there are many reasons. Part of it is that is the anniversary of a shocking and traumatic event. The day my world was turned upside down, the day that changed the rest of my life. Also because it is Drew's birthday he often has yearly evaluations and doctors appointments, which just serve as a reminder of the challenges he faces. Thirdly, his birthday falls in the middle of CHD Awareness Week and everywhere I look there are sad stories of kids dealing with CHDs. Each story pains my heart because I know the ache those families are feeling.

This morning I feel the sadness trying to creep in. I keep reminding myself of the walking miracle I am privileged to be with each day. I am trying to keep busy and to focus on others. If I am busy thinking about and caring for other people, then I won't have time to think only about myself and my feelings. Today Ava and I are baking cookies for her preschool class and I am doing some of the final preparations for our Valentine's Day event at the hospital. I will have another opportunity to share my story that evening. Maybe after that I will post some of what I said here.

My walking (dino) miracle

10 comments:

Allison said...

Andrea,
Today is the anniversary of Joshua's Glenn & it made me realize that there are so many anniversaries that we face with these special kids. Surgery, birthday, diagnosis anniversary etc.
I get a little shaken up on these dates too. I think it is because for the most part I don't dwell on the seriousness of it all on a daily basis. It is a very difficult journey that we are on & at some point (for me anniversaries) we have to acknowledge it all. I tell myself it's healthy (it makes me feel better about it)! And then it is out of my system & back to life as usual!
Anyway, I'm glad you've been feeling better this year!
By the way Drew is too cute!!!

Taria M. said...

Andrea,

If you didn't feel a little sadness or apprehension about dates that changed your life so completely, I'd question whether or not you are really here. The fact that you feel it all so completely, and that you have used every single emotion to give to other people is beautiful in every sense. You are amazing, and precious... and you are using each trial that you've had to bring glory back to God. You're precious to Him. Remember how wonderful you are! :)

Anonymous said...

Yay God that you were able to feel and hear some of the prayers that have been out there for you over these last few days Andrea!!
I love you sister!
Kristina

Bill said...

I think the sadness you feel each day is a reminder of the pain you felt at the time. I think it also stems from the fact you know things could have turned out sooo much differently. I think it's a type of bitter happiness. Our situations are not the same but I feel a similar sadness each year on the 4th of July. It is the anniversary of the 1st time my IVF failed and is a constant reminder of how I am unable to have a child of my own. That was the day my life was forever changed. The day I realized I would not be able to give my husband a child of his own. That I (in my mind) was not a real woman since I couldn't do what a woman was created for. Create Life.

That said, I am also very thankful for God's presence in my life as with that same loss he blessed me many times over with my little girl through adoption. Little did I know she was born only 3 days after my IVF failed and was just waiting for us to find her.

Hang in there! I'm sorry I missed your talk with our group! I really wanted to hear your story again. Stacy said it was a very good morning with you and the Mom's Connection Pannel.

Linda said...

I love reading how God is helping your focus this year to be different than years past, how he is using you to encourage others as you tell your story and how you celebrate your faith and your family. Drew is so cute! I hope the Saturday event goes really, really well. I just have to say--God gave him a wonderful mommy!

CABean03 said...

Thank you so much for sharing at Mom's Connection yesterday. You did a wonderful job and I was really touched hearing of your faith and all of the ways God has been and is using you.

Anonymous said...

Praying, praying, praying for you -
Danielle

The Portas said...

Very understandable, Andrea. That is a lot to endure/process/celebrate at right around the same time. I have my list of dates that shake me up, too. Just saying the dates in my head makes me want to crumple into a pile of tears. God has been so good to you, and to your family, and to Drew.. You all are amazing, and such an inspiration! And I love Drew as a dinosaur. :)

Vanessa said...

I am so proud of all that you do Andrea. You truly inspire me to do more by helping others. We have decided to take balloons to the children at the hospital this year and I will be thinking of you and Drew while we do this. Of course, we can't take Arianna with us this year but hopefully next year.

You are doing all the right things and it's okay if you have some of these thoughts. I didn't realize all that surrounds Drew's birthday. That would be difficult for any heart mom. But your rising above it all and making a choice to enjoy the good that comes with the bad.

Leslie said...

i just caught up on your posts from here to most recent and am so happy to see drew's never-fading-smiling face. it's understandable that these milestones can be bittersweet as they're both such a strong reminder of what to be grateful for and also what frightening times you have been through. i'm sending over some majorly big hugs to you and hope that can take like 0.05% of some sadness away from you.

p.s. still loving the t-shirts.