Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another Milestone Moment


Two weeks since I've posted anything! I can't believe it! I have lots to write about and apparently, no time to do it. I promise to make an effort to catch up this week, but first I have to write about Drew starting kindergarten.

Tomorrow is the big day. Drew's first day of kindergarten! I've been crying about it for two weeks now. The first time was when I was talking with a friend of mine about our boys starting kindergarten. Out of nowhere the tears started flowing. I didn't even know I had tears for this! Since then we had the kindergarten meet and greet at a nearby park. As we were getting out of the car I started getting teary. But I noticed then that Drew is fine. He was off playing on the playground with the other kids without a care in the world. I'm the one that has the problem.

But I'm having a hard time identifying what that problem is. I'm really not worried about Drew. He is going to love kindergarten! He's never had a problem with making friends or being dropped off at preschool, childcare at the gym, at church, or even on the cruise. I think my crying boils down to two things:
  • 1) I have to "let go" of my son and leave him in the care of teachers and kids that I don't know. The most crucial developmental years in a child's life are from age 0-5. I guess I feel like the most important part of my job as his mother is over. I did my best and now I have to share him with other people. People who don't know him and love him like I do.
  • 2) I just can't believe that we're here. I've been thinking back to when Drew was first born and I was holding his little newborn self in my arms, aware that a whole world of possibilities awaited him. And then the next day when he was diagnosed with a life threatening condition all those possibilities seemed to evaporate. We couldn't focus on the future because we had to focus on the rapidly changing present. We had to fight to get here. We've made it through the doctor's appointments, surgeries, therapies, evaluations, medications, hospitalizations and tests and...here we are. My boy is starting kindergarten.
And the weirdest thing is that now that we're here, we have a pretty normal life. I was trying to make arrangements to meet the school nurse and make a health plan for Drew when I realized, a health plan for what? He is no longer on any medication, his oxygen saturation is normal, we've been instructed by cardiology to treat him like a "normal" child. It's very strange. But I am so thankful for our normal life.

Tonight I choose to read "The Kissing Hand" to Drew for his bedtime story. And I totally got choked up at the end. I thought I might be all cried out for tomorrow...but I think I'm gonna be a mess.

10 comments:

Ava's Mommy said...

Beautiful post, Andrea! Wishing Drew a super terrific Kindergarten year, he's a total rockstar! :)

Amber said...

I've been thinking and praying on your reason #1 too! I feel like I'm in a new phase of parenting all of the sudden. I pray I've done a good enough job because now more than ever...they're out there on their own. :( Will they make good choices? Will they be the "light" we've helped them learn to be? I'm thinking this new phase will be so much harder than the first! If only I had this perspective back when they were just 1! I'm thinking of you this morning! :)

Anne Marie said...

Good Luck today, Andrea! Drew will do wonderfully- and just let the tears flow- I'm sure you'll find you aren't the only Mommy showing the emotion of this huge milestone! Can't wait to hear how his day goes!

Amy, Steve, Molly, Paige and Garrett said...

Awwww... Sending up a prayer for you this morning that you have some peace and joy. And praying for Drew in his transition!
Hugs - Amy

Laura said...

two things...1) i LOVE the 'kissing hand'. read it to lydia and james and was choked up myself. 2) you are an AMAZING mom. never for one moment doubt that didn't do an amazing job with drew.

hope he has a great first day! i can't wait to hear about it! love you.

Krista said...

What a great day for Drew and your family! You have all of my good thoughts today.

Anonymous said...

OOOOH The Kissing Hand is a doozy!! I was so glad to hear your voice this morning. I am so with you on how I also feel like the most important part of my job with Tommy is done. Now we just have to rely on what we have shown them and that no matter what God is with them. OOOHH Andrea I thought I was done crying last week well now here I go again. Love you my sister in tears
Kristina

Jessica said...

I totally feel the same way with Elizabeth in kindergarten...it's like, my job is over...I'm just a snack fetcher now. Or her driver.

The Portas said...

So well written, Andrea. Drew is going to have an amazing first of many years of school. I can't wait to hear how the first day went today!! xo

Frizzy said...

No matter how old our kids become they'll always be our BABIES! The best part about that is he'll always need you regardless of if you know it or not. You are his rock and you are what has given him the courage and strength to enjoy this new chapter. Hugs to you!