Two weeks since I've posted anything! I can't believe it! I have lots to write about and apparently, no time to do it. I promise to make an effort to catch up this week, but first I have to write about Drew starting kindergarten.
Tomorrow is the big day. Drew's first day of kindergarten! I've been crying about it for two weeks now. The first time was when I was talking with a friend of mine about our boys starting kindergarten. Out of nowhere the tears started flowing. I didn't even know I had tears for this! Since then we had the kindergarten meet and greet at a nearby park. As we were getting out of the car I started getting teary. But I noticed then that Drew is fine. He was off playing on the playground with the other kids without a care in the world. I'm the one that has the problem.
But I'm having a hard time identifying what that problem is. I'm really not worried about Drew. He is going to love kindergarten! He's never had a problem with making friends or being dropped off at preschool, childcare at the gym, at church, or even on the cruise. I think my crying boils down to two things:
- 1) I have to "let go" of my son and leave him in the care of teachers and kids that I don't know. The most crucial developmental years in a child's life are from age 0-5. I guess I feel like the most important part of my job as his mother is over. I did my best and now I have to share him with other people. People who don't know him and love him like I do.
- 2) I just can't believe that we're here. I've been thinking back to when Drew was first born and I was holding his little newborn self in my arms, aware that a whole world of possibilities awaited him. And then the next day when he was diagnosed with a life threatening condition all those possibilities seemed to evaporate. We couldn't focus on the future because we had to focus on the rapidly changing present. We had to fight to get here. We've made it through the doctor's appointments, surgeries, therapies, evaluations, medications, hospitalizations and tests and...here we are. My boy is starting kindergarten.
Tonight I choose to read "The Kissing Hand" to Drew for his bedtime story. And I totally got choked up at the end. I thought I might be all cried out for tomorrow...but I think I'm gonna be a mess.